lunchtime.
its lunchtime. so I have free time, what, what?
yesterday I just sat at home. all day. I didnt do a thing. and I just slept. idk. the more i think about my life the more i feel like i failed at it. and im still so young. and i miss my friends. i wish i had more motivation, but when i do i feel like im begging people to hang out more than they asking to chill. idk. ha i say idk a lot too.
Jamie. idk. He wants space. So i am going to give it to him. if he wants to see me. he will. but i always feel like im the one trying to make contact. maybe he likes the chase. but like idk. it jjust sucks. i really like him. and i know the outcome. like most, friendship will resort. idk. im like single-prone. I always have a problem, and i do soemthing to fuck up everything. ha. idk.
so yeah he texted me and was all you can go get your glasses..im not home but go ahead. LIKE NO?!. what. no. i want to see you. and if he wanted to see me he would of waited. i chose not to respond, and got nothing even till now. i just feel like if i text i come on desperate.
Alex said he would chill againnn. YAY.
Katie, still oainsugionbg. HOWEVER. she printed a picture of me today. Im pumped. Idk. I miss her. but im not a thridwheel. She knows that. so. idk.
My mom was doing good. She’s been drinking, and drunk the whole time for 4 days now. A little bit rediculous. I feel like my attempts to help her are a waste of time. I blow off my friends to take her to places, and Ive lost three friendships for it cause i dont tell people why i didnt answer or i say i was laying in bed to spare them from the drama that consumes my life.
I hate it. If i tell something to someone, like it will take me a bit to do it, and my friends say that they would like to hear whatt i gotta say. but then everything gets thrown in my face or all this bull…idk.
i feel like im starting to not fit in anywhere. like at all. and like im so confused on myself as a person, along with the shit around me. and why people are how they are. like idk.
after class. idk what im doing. RAHHH. Jamie maybe. Its thursday, so that means skins tonighghght. Idk what im doing. Prolly another lame day. Cait later maybeee.=]]
